Remember that episode of Friends in which Monica’s mum refers to monumentally screwing up as ‘doing a Monica’? My version – ‘doing a Madeleine’ – involves saying something hugely inappropriate (though utterly honest) very loudly. It’s been a lifetime affliction, and one I don’t anticipate I’ll be without anytime soon.
I did a Madeleine on Saturday. Here’s what happened. I blustered into Neville Hair & Beauty for a trim with Antonio. Once sat down, he started the consultation:
Antonio: ‘So what are we doing?’
Me: ‘I need a simple trim really, but my hair’s heavy and if you cut it straight across the bottom it’ll hang like a curtain.’
Antonio: ‘Okay, any idea of length or do you have any pictures?’
Me: ‘Well I’ll tell you what I HATE: Kate Middleton’s hair. So heavy, too thick, too long – what is she thinking?’
*Antonio looks nervously around, I don’t pay heed and keep banging on*
Me: ‘You know what I mean, right? That princessy, big blow-dried thing? Looks awful. Makes her look old. She should jazz it up a bit.’
*I follow Antonio’s second nervous gaze to see that James Middleton’s girlfriend Donna Air is perched within earshot*
I think it’s safe to say that if Donna Air does marry into the Middletons, I won’t be on the guest list.
Anyhoo… Here’s what Antonio did: he listened to me. He let me waffle on about my odd hair proclivities for as long as I spent slating Kate’s style and then thought for a while, before deciding to cut my hair dry in what seemed like a totally random fashion. I probed, and he explained that my hair was a little wild – some bits had cow’s licks, others were curly and some portions just wanted to hang there like straight sheets of glass. Above is the result.
Thinking about it now, his approach to wilder hair makes sense. I mean, you want your hair to look good when it’s dry, not wet, and if it has any texture at all surely cutting when it’s all nice and bouncy is the way forward? The results would suggest so: I’ve now got a bouncy head of hair that I don’t need to spend hours faffing over (I’m sure you’ve guessed that I’m no hair person by now). More time for make-up, then…